


Dear Angel

by blowmeharry



Category: One Direction
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Insanity, Jealousy, M/M, Reality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-08
Updated: 2013-01-08
Packaged: 2017-11-24 04:05:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/630192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blowmeharry/pseuds/blowmeharry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick is Harry's rock. Harry goes to him when he needs someone to talk to or simply a shoulder to cry on, especially when he doesn't get enough attention from Louis. Only when things go too far does Louis question everything about Harry, including everything having to do with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Angel

“Make that 93…”

“That’s like ten more than last time!” Harry exclaimed. “You beat your record!”

“Eighteen actually,” Nick corrected him, laughing as he patted him on the head softly. “I don’t expect you to know that though. You were never good at maths.”

Harry wagged his hair around, fixing it to return to its original form before his friend went and ruined it. “You know, maybe I should get a quiff.”

“Really?” Nick raised an eyebrow, opening the door to his car before stepping into the driver’s seat. “Are you sure your boyfriend would approve?”

Harry shrugged, somewhat smiling. “He thinks I’m hot no matter what.”

“Can’t argue with that.”

Harry tapped the window impatiently, waiting for the door to unlock. Rolling his eyes when the door finally budged, he settled into the passenger seat, buckling himself in, the radio turning on with the car.

“How is Louis, speaking of?”

“He’s… fine?” Harry frowned, speculating why Nick was interested.

They pulled out from the curb, almost hitting a car to their right. They laughed at it, their way of coping with the panic, and continued to drive down further into the city.

“The Larry rumors have calmed down quite a bit, don’t you agree?” Nick pointed out, opening a window to stick his arm out, leaning it against the edge of the window.

“They have.” Harry nodded.

“People are shipping us now,” he said with a laugh. “I think we’re Gryles or something like that.”

“Gryles…” Harry mumbled under his breath, scoffing silently. “I swear, people are crazy. They’ll ship anything, even inanimate objects.”

“I’m not going to disagree there.” They shared a laugh as Nick proceeded to drive them even further into the city.

“Where are we going?” Harry asked, noticing they weren’t heading to his flat where Nick would stay for a bit and have drinks with Louis and him.

“The night’s still young, and we’ve gotta live while we’re young,” Nick cackled at his own joke, shaking his head with amusement. “How does G-A-Y sound like to you?”

“The club, right?”

Nick smirked, glancing at him briefly but keeping his eyes on the road. “Does it matter?”

It was just starting to get dark out when they arrived, the bass pounding the ground beneath them as they made their way inside. The adrenaline was already pumping through their nerves, their blood ready to swim in lust and alcohol.

“What time is it?” Harry asked him, talking loudly over the music.

“A quarter past eight! Why?”

“I was supposed to be home fifteen minutes ago,” he said silently, though Nick wasn’t really listening. “Louis was going to cook.”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine. You’re still a teenager. A famous teenager. Even you need to get away and have some fun every now and then,” Nick assured him, patting his shoulder before pulling on his hand and dragging him into the crowd.

~

Harry danced into his flat, laughing at absolutely nothing with Nick hanging on his arm. 

“Alright, I’ll-I’ll, uh- see you later, okay,” Nick slurred out, giggling as he slapped his friend on the back before heading out the door.

After the door slammed shut, Harry turned around, still chuckling to himself as he headed further into his house.

Louis was covered in blankets on the couch, and the lights were off, the telly blaring softly. Harry tiptoed his way to him, not wanting to wake him. He carefully sat down on the couch as to not create too much pressure to awake Louis.

“Where were you?” Louis demanded, loud and clear.

Harry nearly jumped, not expecting Louis to still be awake. “Out with Nick.”

“It’s two in the morning.”

“I know,” was all Harry could say.

“The chicken’s in the fridge. It’s pretty decent, I must say,” Louis told him with a slight chuckle.

Harry didn’t feel like eating, so he snuggled closer to his boyfriend. He scrunched up his eyebrows. “You’re not mad, are you?” He watched Louis patiently, starting to feel a little guilty for returning home so late.

Louis’ blue orbs stared back at him blankly. “Of course not.”

~

“Want one?” The man outside the pub offered them.

Harry and Nick shared a questioning look before glancing back at the pack of cigarettes held in the man’s hand.

“Sure,” Nick said with a shrug, taking a blunt into his hand. “None for Harry, he’s got a rep to protect.”

“Since when? I hang out with you,” Harry joked, his friend surprising him by smacking his bum. “Easy there. I’ll have one too,” he demanded confidently.

Nick’s eyes widened. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, why not?”

~

Louis paced the room, watching the door eagerly. It was almost ten, and still no sign of Harry. Louis wanted him to return home so they could at least spent the night together. He seemed to never be around these days, and Louis was spending a little too much time with Eleanor anyhow.

The door burst open, Harry’s figure stepping in to scan up and down Louis’ body.

“God, I’ve missed you.”

Louis allowed himself to smile, brushing slightly when he brought Harry into his arms. “I missed you too.”

A frown crossed the older male’s face as he sniffed Harry’s shirt, noticing something odd. “You smell funny.”

“I wore deodorant today…”

“No,” Louis shook his head, pressing his nose against his shirt once more. “Do you smoke?”

“No.” Harry chuckled, shaking his head slowly. “I… erm… dunno. I must be around Nick too much.”

“Probably,” Louis agreed, a sense of jealousy washing over him.

“So Louis…” Harry slurred, his voice lower and having a seductive edge to it. “Looking to get laid tonight?”

Louis laughed as Harry’s lips came hovering over his but before they made contact, he pressed a finger to Harry’s lips, grinning wildly. “Shower first. Sex later.”

~

Harry’s curls were the first Louis saw the next morning, just as he did every morning. A smile plastered his face as he gathered his arms over the other boy’s slim waist, pulling himself close enough to kiss Harry softly on his neck.

Harry flipped to the side immediately, his eyes, bright and tired, finding Louis instantly, a warm smile on his full lips.

“Good morning, beautiful,” Louis purred, watching Harry’s smile grow wider.

“Who, me?”

“Of course, silly.” Louis giggled, rolling back onto his backside, watching the ceiling with a grin on his face. “Today’s another day off. What do you wanna do?”

“Um…” Harry began but paused. “I was going to hang out Nick and his friends today.”

Louis’ heart stammered in his chest, picking up on only hearing the boy’s name. He sighed softly, trying to hide the pain in his voice. “Nick?”

“Yeah.”

His heart still racing along with his thoughts, he struggled to keep his composure. “I don’t know… I don’t have anything to do today and I really wanted to spend it with you…”

“I’ll stay,” Harry said suddenly. “If that’s what you want, Louis, I’m more than happy to comply.”

Smiling now, Louis was flattered that Harry was quick to please him but felt bad for forcing Harry to always go to him at the same time.

“No, no, no. I’m fine, Harry.” Harry turned to watch him with a raised eyebrow. “Really, I am. You go out and have some fun. You deserve it.” Louis forced a smile.

“Well… okay,” he finally gave in, slumping to the side before walking out of bed.

“Come home soon?”

Harry nodded, smiling at him before turning around to head to the bathroom.

~

“Are you sure about this?”

“Just take one. You’ll feel great, I promise,” Nick told him, handling him a small white pill. Harry didn’t know what it was, but he trusted his friend’s judgment. Nick wouldn’t try to harm Harry in any way.

“Okay,” Harry said after a moment’s hesitation. He popped the pill into the mouth before Nick dragged him onto the dance floor. Their bodies collided together, closely grinding, every other thought shoved abruptly to the side.

The night seemed to last forever but in a good way. Harry and Nick rocked the club, taking shots of tequila and vodka and who knew what every now and then. Harry talked to practically everyone there, coming out of his shell.

Spending time with Nick helped him forget about his womanizer reputation.

It helped him forget that Louis had a girlfriend, except what they had wasn’t real.

It helped him forget that he was famous and had to live up to everyone’s expectations.

It helped him forget Louis. 

He felt better than he had in months.

~

“Nick, where are we going?” Harry said one night, stifling some giggles. The radio was blasting in the car, the windows unrolled, the cool breeze filling the car. He pulled a cigarette out of his mouth, laughing at another commercial on the radio.

“My place,” Nick answered, shoving his blunt into the glove box.

“You know, I really enjoy hanging out with you.”

Nick grinned, “Yeah? Me too.”

Harry settled himself on his friend’s couch, observing his surroundings. Everything looked to be in order, but it wasn’t the same compared to his flat.

Oh shit! Harry glanced over at the digital clock which read it was two in the morning. Louis was going to kill him…

“Can I get you anything?”

“Just your lovely self,” Harry said with a wink, laughing as Nick sat down beside him.

He let out a sigh, dropping his head onto Harry’s shoulder. “I’m so horny…”

“Me too…”

“Guess we’d better take care of that,” Nick simply said, his hand finding his zipper, pulling his pants down to the end of his hips before clasping his length into his hand.

“Mutual masturbation?” Harry said with amusement, smirking as he reached into his pants, following his friend’s actions.

Nick pumped himself freely, keeping his eyes on the other boy the entire time. Harry kept his eyes down, maintaining silence throughout it all.

All of a sudden, Nick’s hands were over him, grabbing him firmly.

“Nick, I-”

Nick’s strokes grew faster, and Harry couldn’t deny how great it felt, but Louis had popped into his mind, and his guilt made him sick to his stomach.

This was wrong.

The older male moved his hands away to bring his shirt over his head, doing the same to Harry. Nick’s lips pressed against Harry’s roughly, running his hands through his curly locks.

Harry mumbled against his lips, trying to tell Nick to stop, but his muffled attempt only appeared as a moan.

Nick’s tongue entered Harry’s mouth, feeling foreign and plain wrong, but Harry still couldn’t find the heart to pull away from his friend. Nick backed away, pulling Harry’s legs apart before rushing to stick his fingers inside.

“Nick,” Harry began to say, grunting painfully when the second finger struck him.

“Shh, I’ll take care of you, I promise.”

“Nick, this is-” Harry started again but was cut off once Nick inserted himself into him, his thrusts slow and feeling so, so… “Wrong.”

Nick ignored him, smashing their lips together as he continued to fuck Harry senseless.

~

Harry was missing for two days.

Louis was starting to get worried, but he didn’t want to text him and have Harry think he was clingy. No, he would give Harry his space and his trust.

Regardless, Louis was lonely and starting to get a little bored of spending all this time with himself. There was only so much one could spend alone without resorting to insanity.

He decided to invite Liam over, who showed up fifteen minutes later, smiling brightly at the door.

“I’m here to cheer you up.”

“Cheer me up?” Louis frowned. “I’m perfectly fine.”

Liam peeked at the telly which was blaring loudly. “Is that Friends?”

“Yeah…”

“Well, you could use some.”

Louis smacked him on the arm playfully before they walked together to the living room.

“So where is Harry anyway?”

The older male narrowed his eyes, keeping all his focus on the television. “Out.”

“I know that,” Liam said blankly, rolling his eyes. “I mean, out where?”

Louis’ heart quenched at the thought of Harry and Nick hanging out together without him. He could only hope nothing had gone wrong.

“Louis?”

Louis looked at Liam with a troubled look, glancing at the picture of Harry and Nick on the coffee table. He wasn’t sure what it was doing here, but it did little to ease his pain.

“Louis?” Liam repeated, sounding worried.

“I…” Louis shook his head sadly. “I don’t know where he is.”

The other male shifted on the couch, moving closer to Louis. He patted him on the back, assuring him that Harry would be back soon, but Louis wasn’t sure what to believe.

~

Louis went to sleep alone that night, rolled onto his side, staring blankly into space. He tried to imagine Harry lying beside him, clinging onto him like he did every night, but that did nothing to make him feel better, rather, making him feel worse.

The door slammed open just as his eyes were starting to close, and it was as if all his adrenaline had rushed into him out of nowhere because he was jumping out of bed and running to the door to see Harry slumped over, wearing a tired expression.

“Harry?” Louis said softly, lifting a hand to pat Harry but hesitant to do so.

“’M tired. Going to sleep.”

Harry walked past him without another word, leaving Louis to sort out his confused thoughts.

When Louis awoke the next morning, Harry was gone.

Only somewhat disappointed, he managed to get out of bed and head downstairs to watch early morning TV. He surfed the channels until he stumbled upon a picture of Harry on the screen, the reporter’s voice irrelevant to him. Next to Harry stood Nick, their hands entwined.

Louis’ heart sank as he struggled to regain control over the remote control to turn off the telly. His fingers were trembling, and he couldn’t move. He sat still for who knows how long, contemplating what the hell that was and why he was letting it bother him.

He took easy breaths, finally rolling himself into a ball on the couch.

He seemed to have fallen asleep because he was waking up minutes later, watching Harry walk into the room with a tray of two glasses of tea in hand.

Harry shot him a smile, and Louis returned it, sitting up on the couch.

“Good morning,” Harry said, dropping his body next to him.

With one hard look at Harry, the rumors flashed through Louis’ mind, causing him to grow more nervous by the second.

So Louis decided to clear it up, even if it meant being blunt about it. “Is there anything going on between you and Nick?”

Awkward silence filled the room for seconds before Harry spoke, “No, why would you think that?”

Louis shrugged, his face flushing in shame. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with him lately…”

“That doesn’t mean I’m cheating on you,” Harry said, but it wasn’t convincing. “Is everything okay?”

Louis shrugged again, his eyes dropping to the floor.

Harry sighed. “What do you want me to do? Stop talking to him? Because if it honestly bothers you so much, I will.”

“That’s not what I meant-”

“Honestly, Lou. Whatever makes you happy makes me happy, you know that,” Harry convinced him.

“Yeah, but we’re together. We’re supposed to live separate lives, I get that,” Louis began, unsure what he was really trying to say. “But at the same time, we’re supposed to actually be around each other.” His voice cracked, and tears were starting to form in his eyes. “And lately, it’s like you’re not even here anymore.”

Harry set his hand over Louis’. “I’m here now.”

“No, you’re not,” Louis said, catching him by surprise. “You’re physically here, yeah, but mentally… It’s like I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

“Louis.”

He shook his head, tears trickling down the left side of his face. Sighing, he turned to look at Harry again, the unpleasant smell radiating from him. “You’ve been smoking.”

Harry didn’t say anything.

“When will the lies stop? What ever happened to honesty?” Louis demanded, clenching his teeth.

“I’m sorry.”

Louis drew his breath, snapping his eyes shut before opening them again. Silence fell between them until Louis was able to calm himself down.

“I’m sorry too,” he said softly. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

At that point, they were both crying in each other’s arms, their tears spilling not only for each other but for themselves.

~

Things went back to normal for a few days, the two of them inseparable. They spent every waking moment together and when they weren’t, they were snuggled in each other, sleeping peacefully.

Their argument nights back was long forgotten, only blissful happiness to carry them on.

That same week, One Direction was doing their first interview after their two-week break. The same questions were asked, and it hardly took Louis any focus to answer everything correctly since it had become routine by now.

However, there was one point where Louis actually listened.

“So what’s this about another bromance? With you and Nick?” The interviewer asked Harry, causing Louis’ heart to tremble.

Harry laughed. “Yeah, they call us Gryles.”

“There have been lots of pictures lately… Are you sure it’s just a bromance?”

Harry’s face flushed, “Positive.”

Louis pressed his hands to his knees, trying desperately to keep control, except his fingers were trembling, his feet were tapping the ground relentlessly, and his mind was overanalyzing everything including the past few weeks.

The questions moved from Harry and into a question about Zayn and Perrie, which Louis didn’t bother listening to. He was off in his own thoughts, unsure of how to describe how he was feeling. Inside, he was screaming, the word Larry repeating itself over and over in his head.

“And how’s that going for you, Louis?” The interviewer asked, silence filling the room. “Louis?”

His eyes averted to the boys and then at the interviewer as he became aware that he was asked a question. His palms sweating, his throat dry, Louis wasn’t sure he was up for acting like he was fine. He was tired of always acting.

He flinched when Harry’s hands patted his shoulder gently. “Are you okay?”

Louis took a deep breath and stood up. “No, I’m not.”

All eyes were on him, the audience leaning forward with curiosity, ready for Louis to give them a show. His voice shaky, he kept his attention to the floor.

“I’m done with this bullshit,” he said softly, glancing back at Harry. “Larry is real and always has been. But believe what you want.”

Silence fell through the room as everyone watched Louis patiently, as if waiting for him to say “just kidding” or something to deny Larry like he always did.

Instead Louis slowly made his way to the exit, looking back at the boys one last time before ditching the interview.

Outside there was paparazzi everywhere, girls screaming and asking for autographs, some shouting terrible things at him. He ignored it all, pushing everyone aside to get to the sidewalk.

He waited for a cab and when he stepped inside, he demanded to be taken back to his flat.

The moment he returned home, it dawned on him that Harry would be home soon and wondering why he had done that. Louis wasn’t ready to face him. Not yet. Not ever.

He turned on the telly to calm his nerves but found that impossible considering the headlines. Needless to say, word had got out fast, and it was like the whole world knew. Louis turned off the telly, tossing the remote onto the side of the room angrily.

His eyes found the photograph of Nick and Harry sitting on the coffee table and right away, he began tearing it apart, taking the Harry half with him, leaving the other half behind.

He searched his closet for a backpack, shoving his necessities into it. When Louis had just about everything he needed, he grabbed a sandwich out of the fridge but remembered that Harry had made it the previous day, so he tossed it onto the counter, fighting the tears that were already forming.

Louis looked at his flat one last time, the memories clouding his mind and making his lungs constrict with nothing but pain. He sniffed his nose, turning around to make his exit.

~

Everything was crazy.

The boys had barely made it out of there alive. They didn’t answer any questions, didn’t sign any autographs, didn’t do anything except leave.

Harry took a deep breath before entering his flat, not sure how he could fix this. Now that the world knew about them, Harry wasn’t sure he could stay calm about this, and he wasn’t sure about Louis either. But they would get through this together like they always did. Harry knew that.

“Louis?” He called out, but there was no response.

Harry walked into the living room, first noticing the blankets messily strewn over the sofa. His eyes found a picture of Nick on the coffee table, frowning for a minute before realizing this was supposed to Nick and him, but someone must have taken his half.

“Louis?” He cried out, again, getting nothing.

After searching the entire place, there was still no sign of him.

Worried, Harry pulled out his phone, ignoring his Twitter mentions, dialing Louis’ number. He waited eleven rings, but there was nothing. He tried calling again, but nobody picked up.

Harry sighed, dropping his body to the couch. Rubbing his eyes, he shook his head, muttering “fuck” over and over again.

~

“I brought you some soup.”

Louis turned to his side, his eyes still wide awake. He barely managed to get out, “Not hungry.”

“Lou,” his mum spoke sadly. “You have to eat.”

Louis didn’t say anything. He continued to stare at the pattern in the ceiling, the same pattern he’d been watching for what felt like days.

“Have you talked to him?”

Louis made a disapproving noise, his heart racing at the thought of Harry. No, he didn’t want to talk to him. He didn’t even want to think about him.

“You have to eventually,” Jay pointed out, brushing his hair out of his eyes.

Louis sighed, shaking his head as to push his mother’s hand away, his action making him look like an immature little boy. “Can you leave?” After a moment, he added, “Please?”

“Fine,” she gave in, setting the tray of food on his nightstand. She turned to head out but glanced back at Louis with a worried expression. “Let me know if you need anything.”

Staring at the food beside him reminded him of his childhood, how his mum was there to take care of him when he was sick from school, how everything was so simple, how making a decision wasn’t the most difficult task of the day.

He brought his knees to his chest, wrapping himself into a ball as if to protect himself from the horrors the world had to offer. Shivers ran up and down his spine as the memories resurfaced, reminding him of what he’d once had, what he no longer had, what he would never get back.

Though it wasn’t official, Louis knew it was over. After the shit Harry had gone through with Eleanor, after Nick, after the sacrifices he’d had to make, Louis was sure there was no way nothing would ever be the same. Harry was most likely happy to be done with Louis.

He rolled his hands into fists, clenching the sheets tightly, bringing them over his head. His breathing jagged, his heart pounding irregularly, he couldn’t even bring himself to cry. His lips quivered, whimpers escaped his lips, but no moisture fell from his eyes.

The alluring emerald orbs he’d become familiar with over the past two years were foreign to him, and it only made his heart beat faster, the pain constricting his throat, making it all the more difficult to inhale even the littlest bit of oxygen.

His voice, his curls, his hands, that beautiful face Louis had come to love had incredible meaning to him, and he couldn’t convince himself to think otherwise, to even convince himself that Harry was out of his life completely.

The thought was impossible.

Louis would never get over him.

He didn’t think he ever could.

~

“Louis! Phone’s for you!” Lottie’s voice shouted outside his door, causing Louis to jolt awake but fall back into his pillow when reality dawned on him.

He mumbled something under his breath along the lines of “go away” “I don’t care” “they can wait”. He couldn’t exactly remember because he was simply too busy trying to fall back asleep so he wouldn’t have to be awake.

The door burst open, Lottie rushing to him with a phone in hand. She offered it to Louis with much impatience, gesturing it to him repeatedly until he finally found the motivation to move a few inches over to retrieve it.

“Hello?” His voice was low and raspy, unlike the smooth, high-pitched tone he normally had.

“Louis.”

He nearly fell back into his pillow, adrenaline pumping through his veins. “W-what do you want?”

“To apologize.”

Louis let out a deep breath, moving the phone to his other ear, leaning back on his bed frame. He brought the sheets over himself, clinging to them tightly.

“I don’t – Harry –” He began to say, his voice shaky as he struggled to continue. “I can’t – I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Louis,” the low voice on the other end said again, softer this time. “Please?”

Louis exhaled, sounding out of breath as if he had just run a marathon.

“I’m sorry about everything, Louis. I know I can’t prove it you, but please know I’m going to fix this. I don’t know if you even trust me anymore, but trust me on this, please,” Harry paused, the sound of breathing filling the line. “Are you still there?”

Hastily, Louis snapped, “No.” With his hands trembling, he found the strength to pull the phone away from his ears, clicking “end”.

Lottie was still standing beside his bed, watching him with a curious frown. Louis barely acknowledged her other than setting the phone back gently in her hands, asking her politely to tell Harry that if he called, Louis wasn’t there.

She obeyed for about three days until Harry had called a total of twenty-two times, and frankly, she was getting frustrated with putting up with it.

One day, she marched into her brother’s room with scorn in her expression. “Look, Lou. I get that you’re pissed, but you can’t shove your responsibilities aside because of that. And you can’t keep ignoring Harry like this. It’s not fair to anyone.”

Louis didn’t have the energy to even sit up, and his eyes were only focused on the sketchy pattern in the ceiling, thinking of nothing more.

“Louis! Are you even listening to me?”

It was a lovely shade of white with little spots of grey, a line of white traveling between the spots, creating distinctive patterns and objects. In one area Louis saw faces of people who were familiar and some that were unfamiliar, but for some reason, he was fascinated by it. It seemed to change every day and maybe that was because it was the only thing he’d watched in so long, but Louis was positive that, without a doubt, something was going on up there, but he couldn’t decide what.

“Louis!” Lottie screeched, causing his eyes to finally fall onto her. “If you don’t say anything, I’m going to get Mum.”

As expected, Louis didn’t say anything.

Jay Tomlinson came rushing in minutes later, sitting herself on the edge of his bed to which Louis said or did nothing about. She watched him with sad eyes, keeping her distance as if afraid that moving any closer would break him because he just looked so fragile.

The bags under his eyes, his tousled-more-than-usual hair, his skin no longer a brightly toned, his once bright blue eyes now a pale indigo, growing dimmer and dimmer as the days went by.

“Have you slept at all?” She demanded, making sure to speak softly.

Louis’ eyes stayed fixed above, completely ignoring his mother’s presence. He found himself almost smiling at the fact that George Washington’s face was now on the ceiling, something he had only noticed today. There were endless possibilities he never knew about! At least there was hope in the discoveries he would make.

“Louis, talk to me.”

Out of nowhere, he began laughing, his eyes finally coming down to meet his mother’s, his laughter growing louder and louder until they turned into soundless sobs, but as the routine went every day, no tears fell.

His fists clenched tight, his toes curled, his body rocking back and forth, his mother moved closer with worry in her eyes. She pulled him into a hug to which Louis rejected right away, causing her heart to sink in her chest.

“I just want to help,” she spoke softly, grabbing onto his left hand, trying desperately to get him to calm down. She turned to Lottie who was standing next to the door. “I think he’s having a panic attack.”

Lottie moved closer, a look of curiosity and true concern plastering her face, as she watched her brother fall into insanity in front of her eyes.

The moment soon passed, and Louis was leaning against his bed frame with no memory of that ever happening at all.

Jay took deep and easy breaths as she brought himself away from his bed, deciding it was best to leave him alone for now. As the two family members left the room, Louis swore he heard someone say, “Call Harry now.”

Thinking of those beautiful eyes and luscious chestnut locks had Louis digging his nails into his arm until a scratch was made, falling to sleep right after.

~

It was becoming a pattern, this way of living. With Louis not leaving his bed in two weeks, he was starting to become content with the fact that Harry was out of his life. His days were much more interesting now, sleeping and dreaming of the unknown person to waking up to watch the ceiling with the new faces it had to offer.

Louis thought of the faces as people, people he was being acquainted to. It was like high school where he interacted with his peers, hooking up every now and then, except it was easier to talk to one when they weren’t saying anything back with their eyes of judgment.

He had visits every now and then, only from his family. Louis couldn’t recall the last time he’d spoken to the other boys, but he’d been thinking about them a lot. He wondered what they were thinking now that Louis had locked himself away, ignoring the plans for the band and everything else that used to be relevant in his life.

Later when he asked his mum why nobody had visited him, she simply told him to go back to sleep to which Louis broke out and screamed, demanding she told him instead of keeping these secrets from him.

“I’m tired of being lied to! Nobody tells the truth anymore! And now you?” Louis’ voice shook, his body trembling atrociously. He brought his knees to his chest, shaking violently. He was so tired… So tired of the lies… Of the pain… He wanted it to go away…

“I’m doing this to protect you!” Jay spoke loudly, but she wasn’t yelling. “Do you know how much it kills me to see you like this? It truly kills me.” She shook her head sadly. “I don’t want anyone else to have this experience.”

“Are you embarrassed of me? Is that why?”

“You need help, Lou,” she said slowly, her lips quivering, a tear slipping from one eye. “Don’t you see that? You’ve gone mad.”

“And what’s wrong with that? Isn’t that better than facing up to reality? I don’t – I can’t deal with this anymore. I – I –” He stopped talking, his heart racing at a speed which made it impossible for him to talk.

His mum left him after that, leaving him to stare at the ceiling again, this time wondering how he’d reached this mental state.

~

The next day went by like a blur. He couldn’t remember what had possessed him to get out of bed, but it had been the first time in weeks and the sunlight coming from outside was enough to burn his skin and make him itch all over.

Starving, he searched the fridge for food until he found what he wanted.

He had a headache so he took some medication to help relieve that.

He made the mistake of going into town, thinking he could drive his terrible depression away with socializing until he remembered that he had given away his biggest secret and that the world was after him.

Driven away by the shameful comments and derogatory, he found himself sitting on a bench in a park, thinking of nothing but his teenage years before he was famous, how simple life seemed back then.

He crossed his arms, inhaling and exhaling softly, feeling foreign in this place he knew so well, feeling the need to return home into his confinement. He didn’t feel safe out here. He felt too exposed. Too naked.

“Harry,” he said desperately, a knot forming in his throat. “Fuck, I need you.”

“I know.”

Louis nearly jumped five feet. His heart leaped in his chest, his eyes searching the area. “Harry?”

He felt a tug on his shoulder. “Right here.”

Louis turned to his life, seeing the curly-haired boy sitting beside him. Watching those emerald orbs, that beautiful face he’d nearly forgotten, he felt himself coming to life. “I miss you, Harry. So fucking much.”

Harry patted him on the back, pulling him into his arms. “I know.”

Louis’ tears streamed down his face, his breathing so shaky he was afraid he would faint from exhaustion.

“Are you real?”

“It’s time to sleep, Louis,” he responded, his lips curving to form a sly smile, pulling Louis closer. Their lips collided, sharing a kiss of longing and passion for a matter of seconds.

“I love you,” Louis whispered, falling to sleep in his lover’s arms.

~

The gurney rolled into the Tomlinson home, taking Louis’ body into the ambulance. Harry followed behind, having not the slightest clue as to what was happening.

He had received a call the previous day, asking him to come over and visit Louis for the first time in weeks. Harry was ecstatic, thankful to finally be able to see his boyfriend. At the same time he was worried after everything his mum had said about him. Apparently Louis wasn’t in the best condition, but he saw that now.

Harry sat next to Louis on the ambulance, watching him with sad eyes but a blank expression. He kept his composure throughout it all, observing as the doctors pulled him away to pump his stomach.

Harry was allowed to visit after a few short minutes of fumbling his fingers, praying that Louis was okay. He didn’t care what happened now, just as long as Louis made it.

He walked into the room, watching Louis’ still body lying helplessly on the hospital bed. 

“I’m sorry, son. We’ve done all we can,” the doctor said.

Harry froze up, the words taking more than a minute to sink in.

“12:34, September 17,” she continued, the bleat sound of the monitor beating loudly and obnoxiously as another doctor marked down the time. 

Harry sat beside the bed, grabbing onto Louis’ hand, crying quietly over him, muttering, “I’m so sorry” over and over again.

He spent the entirety of the day sobbing over him, clinging onto Louis, begging him to come back, to give him another chance, to go back and redo everything.

When he was able to calm himself down enough to talk, he said everything he needed to say.

“You were so important to me, you know that?” Harry began, smiling sadly. “I never meant to hurt you… I never wanted any of this to happen… But it did, and I’m sorry.” He chuckled humorlessly. “How many times can I apologize before it starts to mean nothing?”

“I love you,” he heard a soft voice whisper to him.

Though it wasn’t coming from Louis’ mouth, it couldn’t have been from anyone else.

Harry felt his presence around him, causing more tears to rush down his face.

“I love you too, Lou. I love you.”


End file.
